Now, as I’ m turning 30 next year, I wonder what she would think if she saw me. Would she be disappointed? Would she feel embarrassed? Because I didn’t achieve those big, shining dreams she once held so tightly. I live overseas, yes, but I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything remarkable. My job doesn’t make me proud. And when I look at my YouTube channel, stuck at 0 likes and barely reaching 100 views, I can’t help but feel like maybe I’m not good enough.
I’ve picked up the camera again after so many years. I’ve reread my old blogs. And I can see the spark that was once there, even if it feels faint now. She was so good at writing, so full of life. I miss that version of me.
But lately, I feel like maybe I should just stop. Stop writing, stop taking photos, stop making videos. What’s the point if no one cares, if the numbers never move, if I always end up comparing myself to that younger version of me who was so full of passion? Maybe I’ve lost that spark forever. Maybe I’ll never get better at this. Stopping feels easier than holding on to something that only makes me feel like I’m failing.
Reply from My 17 Years Old Self
I read what you wrote. I know you feel like stopping, and I can hear how tired you are. I get it. It hurts when the things we love stop bringing joy and start feeling heavy. It hurts when the world doesn’t notice your effort.
But listen, I don’t care about views or likes. I never did. I just loved the way we saw the world, through photos, through words, through little videos that captured memories. I loved that we could take something ordinary and turn it into something meaningful. That’s still in you. I can see it.
If you need to rest? rest. If you need to stop for a while? then stop. But don’t throw it away forever. Because this isn’t just about numbers,, this is about us. About the girl who always wanted to remember, to create, and to tell stories.
You haven’t failed me. You haven’t embarrassed me. and Never say that again !! You’ve carried us so far, in ways I never imagined. Living overseas, still trying, still learning,, that’s something to be proud of..
So if you pause, I’ll wait. If you stumble, I’ll hold you up. Just promise me one thing: don’t give up on us completely. Because even if it’s only one picture, one sentence, or one vlog with ten views? it still matters. It’s still you. And that’s enough.
Love,
