Tu ne sais rien

Tu ne sais rien (you know nothing)

It used to bother me a lot.. 

People tell me that I’ve changed, and they say it like issa bad thing. What really bothers me is they never ask why. They just judge me, as if they know everything about me, but ofc they don’t.

They see how I am now, but they don’t see what I’ve been through. They don’t know about the hard times, the decisions I had to make, or the ways I’ve had to grow. They see the change, but they don’t see the reasons behind it.

Yes, I’ve changed. But isn’t that what life is about? Growing, evolving, becoming a better version of yourself? It hurts that they can’t see that. They just want me to stay the same, like that’s normal.

I know there are people who might not understand, who might judge me or think I’ve changed in a negative way. But the truth is, this change feels like a positive one. I’m learning to be true to myself, to embrace who I am without feeling guilty or ashamed. It’s taken me a long time to get here, and I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.

There’s this French quote that I keep thinking about: 

"On ne voit bien qu’avec le cœur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." 

It means, “We see well only with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes.” They’re judging me based on what they see on the outside, but they’re missing what really matters.

(Left to right) Me, My third sis Raisya, My Dad, My Mom and my 2nd sis Rifda

I wish they would just ask me. I wish they would take a moment to really understand me, to know that my changes aren’t random phenomenal thing.. They’re a part of my story, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come, even if it doesn’t fit into their idea of who I should be.

In the end, maybe it’s okay that they don’t get it. What matters is that I know why I’ve changed, and that I’m growing in the ways that are right for me. If they can’t see that, it’s their loss, not mine. I’m going to keep moving forward, focusing on the people who see me for who I really am.

Because at the end of the day, I’m the one living my life, and I’m the one who has to be happy with it. Shutout to my family and friend that see me for who I am.

Lili my cousin that like my own sister 

My bestie Resty

Nandita and me when I visit bali in 2022

Nini and Fani college bestie that always welcomed me when im in town

A Leap into the Unknown: A Story of Resilience

Luna park and harbour bridge 

In May 2019, within breeze autumn wind. a young woman stepped off the plane in Sydney, her heart full of hope and a touch of fear. She had left everything familiar behind, seeking a new life in a city known for its stunning harbour and vibrant culture. But beneath the excitement, there was uncertainty, an awareness that this journey would be anything but easy.

The first few months were challenging. She was alone in a vast city, far from the comforts of home. But she was determined, and she found a place to stay with some people she hoped would become her new family. Yet, as time passed, things didn’t go as she had imagined. Misunderstandings grew, tensions flared, and soon, a massive argument erupted. It was the kind of fight that leaves scars, not just on the surface, but deep within. 

Feeling lost and without a sense of self, she knew she couldn’t stay any longer. The only option was to leave, but where could she go? The world outside felt cold and unwelcoming, especially with a pandemic spreading fear and isolation across the globe. Jobs were scarce, and her bank account was empty. The future seemed bleak.

In a moment of desperation, she turned to ‘FB Group Indonesian in Sydney’, scrolling through posts in search of something, just anything that could offer her a lifeline. And there, amid the countless updates and messages, she stumbled upon a group offering free accommodations. It sounded too good to be true. What if it was a scam? What if she ended up in an even worse situation? But with nowhere else to turn, she decided to take the risk. (Actually, She just doesn’t care about her life anymore).

Reaching out to one of the posts, she connected with a woman named Mbak Novi. There was something comforting in the way Mbak Novi spoke, there’s kindness in her words, warmth in her voice. It was Ramadhan, a time of reflection and giving, and perhaps that was why, when she knocked on the door of Mbak Novi’s home, it opened with a welcoming smile.

Mbak Novi, along with her husband and son, embraced her like a long-lost family member. They shared their meals, their space, and their stories, turning their home into a sanctuary. For the first time in months, she felt safe. The heaviness that had weighed on her heart began to lift, replaced by a glimmer of hope.

She stayed with them for a month, a month that would change everything. During that time, she regained a sense of who she was. She began to heal, finding strength in the kindness of this family who had taken her in when she was at her lowest.

But life is a journey, and it was time for the next step. Through another connection on FB, she met another angel ‘Kak Sari’, a woman who offered not just a place to stay, a new family (along with Kang Budi, Kang Rudy, Mas Yudi and Kak Octo) also a job, a chance to rebuild her life. Moving in with ‘Kak Sari’, she started working, and slowly, piece by piece, her life began to improve.

Nicole, my first friend in Sydney. We’been thru a lot together

Kak sari, kang rudi, kak octo, kang budi and ko romeo

The struggles she had faced were still fresh in her memory, but now they were a part of her story, not the end of it. She had gone from feeling hopeless and lost to finding a community that supported her, from having nothing to gaining a new sense of purpose.

5 years has gone.. As she looked back on those dark days, she realized that it was not just the help of others that had saved her, but also her own courage, the courage to take a leap into the unknown, to trust strangers when she had no one else, and to keep moving forward even when the path seemed impossible.

And so, in the heart of Sydney, a city that had once seemed so intimidating, she found her place. Not just a physical place, but a place within herself, a place of resilience, strength, and a renewed sense of identity.

Sakura Blooms in Sydney 2024

It was a wonderful surprise. Spring isn’t supposed to start until next month, but the weather was perfect, sunny and warm, just right when we visiting the Auburn Botanical Garden for the Cherry Blossoms Festival.

I went with my classmate, Ce Nita. I always wanna see Sakura that I dreamed go to Japan in Spring. Turned out my first Cherryblossom is in Sydney Australia. We were both excited to see the cherry blossoms and enjoy the day. As soon as we arrived, the garden welcomed us with rows of beautiful pink and white flowers (And a big human crowd).  The cherry blossoms were even more stunning than I imagined, and we couldn’t stop taking pictures. The sun made everything look even more vibrant, and it felt like a special moment that we just had to capture.

 

We walked around the garden, taking in all the beauty. There were so many people there, but it still felt peaceful and calming. We saw some amazing animals too like a peacock showing off its feathers, a kangaroo hopping around and they eat lunch, and even a wombat. Each one added to the magic of the day.

 

After a while, we got hungry and found a spot on the grass to sit down and eat. The food was delicious (but overpriced) and it was nice to just relax and enjoy the simple things.. good company, good food, and the beauty of nature all around us.

As we headed back, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the day. It was one of those days that reminds you how beautiful life can be, especially when you least expect it. I’m so glad I got to share it with Ce Nita, and I can’t wait to look back at all the photos and remember this perfect day.